Mummy’s boy, also known as mommy’s boy or mama’s boy, is a phrase used to describe a man who is perceived as having an unhealthy dependency on his Mummy at an age when he should be self-sufficient (e.g. live on his own, be economically independent). This term first appeared in print in 1901. Mama’s boy has a negative connotation of effeminacy and vulnerability. For women, the equivalent expression would be daddy’s daughter, which might also refer to a father complex.
One issue that has regularly created a disagreement between Folashade and her husband, whom she courted for around six months before they married, is his “weird” closeness to his Mummy, according to her.
“My husband is a wonderful man, but the way he seeks his Mummy’s approval before making choices and pulls her into all our private chats is something I can’t live with,” Folashade bemoaned at a beauty salon about two weeks ago.
Apparently unconcerned about the image it creates of her husband and Mummy-in-law, she vented her rage to other customers, who recounted similar stories and offered advice. This Mummy of two could only understand her frustration.
She claimed that she had a fight with her Mummy-in-law for the third time in two months for always interfering in family affairs.
“How could a mature, married guy, an adult, choose his Mummy’s cuisine to his wife’s?” she said, trying to contain her rage. How can a man not have his own thoughts? He contacts her on a regular basis to seek her advice on matters concerning his immediate family, and everything she says is law, regardless of what I say.”
“But I’ve decided not to put up with her excesses and domineering attitude any longer,” she growled as the stylist finished plaiting her hair.
When questioned if she noticed the odd connection between them before agreeing to marry him, she stated they never lived together and that while he always talked about his Mummy, he frequently camouflaged the infatuation with discussions of his Mummy greeting me.
Although marriage offers some independence and a couple’s conscious disengagement from their parents, there are instances where the guy, as the head of the family, is too affected by or connected to his parents, particularly his Mummy.
Such males are generally referred to as “mummy’s boys,” and studies show that the majority of women who marry such men dislike the situation.
Some characteristics of a’mummy’s boy,’ according to the UK’s Metro and Grazia, include acting like a child in her presence or while talking on the phone with her; running to her for counsel all the time and consulting her before making any decision; and if she shows up unannounced, especially at odd hours, and he sees nothing wrong with it.
Other characteristics include: if she chooses to cook his meal and wash his clothes, much to his delight; if she speaks fondly about his former girlfriends to the wife; if he frequently talks about what the Mummy would have preferred, even in matters involving their immediate family; if he prefers to spend time with her; if he never contradicts her and if he never asserts himself in her presence.
Given the harmful impact such intervention may have on a marriage, and the fact that some women seek divorce when the Mummy-in-meddling law’s becomes unbearable, here are some advice for women married to such men:
Learn to accept it:
This may appear to be a difficult alternative to accept, but according to Franca Attoh, an associate professor of sociology, it may be a smart method to deal with the problem. She stated that the woman should learn to live with it because she may not be able to alter it.
“She needs to learn to live with it, for better or worse,” she remarked. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in divorce, and if life is threatened, I believe in separation. That is why I feel that sufficient introspection should take place before people enter into long-term partnerships. Marriage is a work in progress, and individuals must continue to work on it. You don’t flee, but rather modify and adapt. That is a sign of maturity.”
She went on to say that a woman in such a relationship should be aware that both she and his Mummy are married to her husband.
Put no strain on him:
In other cases, women in such marriages try to put pressure on the guy to “be a man” and keep away from his Mummy or encourage him to tell his Mummy to stay away. However, Attoh believes that this will produce a new problem between them since he believes she is attempting to foment discord between him and his Mummy. “For example, if he was raised by the Mummy or she suffered to raise him, and the wife attempts to pressurize him to keep away from his Mummy, he may resent the wife or feel that she dislikes his Mummy,” she explained. He may believe his wife is attempting to foment discord between them, which might create its own issue. So don’t put any pressure on him.”
Get to work:
It is said that the idle mind is the devil’s workshop. When married people were not busy, Attoh observed, some things, such as transgressions from other people, might have a great influence on them.
“If you’re busy, you won’t notice or be upset by a lot of things,” she explained. If you go out in the morning and return home in the evening, you will most likely be weary and won’t have time to observe whether or not someone is playing mummy’s boy. Sleep would be the most important thing on your mind at that moment. One of the things I advise is that people get occupied. People notice how someone is gazing at them when they have too much spare time.”
Make him a friend:
According to Attoh, showing affection to the woman may be a wonderful approach to address the problem. “In this type of circumstance, love conquers everything; don’t do anything that appears to be an attempt to separate them,” she said. “Befriend her. That is the only way to acquire such a woman. That’s why I mentioned individuals becoming involved and having their own resources. She will gradually let go of you once she realizes that you are not reliant on the son’s resources and that you are a busy person. But if you start causing problems, she’ll dig in.”
Attoh added that when the guy ages and realizes that his wife is not making a big deal out of his closeness to his Mummy, he would gradually untangle himself. “These are natural processes,” she went on to say.
Because there is a significant belief in the power of prayer in this area of the world, the sociologist indicated that such a woman may dedicate the situation to God.
“In the west, their option may be to seek divorce since it is their culture,” she explained. Marriage, they feel, should not be endured. But it is not our culture, and the only time we consider separating is when our lives are under danger. There is the option of praying.” She believes the pair should be able to work things out and enjoy a happy life together.
However, Attoh emphasized that women who knew they couldn’t handle a mummy’s boy as a husband should have searched for warning signals and avoided marrying such a person.
“It’s generally a challenging scenario,” she explained. To begin with, the lady cannot claim ignorance because she married such a man. Because of the pressure that society places on women to marry, some of them ignore such problems, hoping that the guy would change once they marry. However, no one changes after marriage. People are merely acting, and after the wedding is done, everyone returns to their normal selves.
“By the time you’re dating a man, you’ll see that he’s the type of person who seeks permission from his Mummy before doing anything.” And when you’re in that circumstance, it’s a red flag. Know that having an ideal connection with the man would be extremely tough since the Mummy will always be the third party between the two of you.”
She cautioned that while there is nothing wrong with a man seeking advice from his Mummy in a difficult situation, it is always bad for a relationship, especially a romantic relationship, when the man is completely tied to the Mummy’s ‘wrapper’ and can’t take a breath without consulting the Mummy. She stated that the Mummy will be in charge of setting the pace.
She also counseled such moms to let their sons enjoy their freedom. “A woman should recognize that she is not raising the male kid to marry him, but to stand on his own two feet and start his own family,” she stated. Women who are insecure, on the other hand, find it difficult to remove themselves from the image. They feel they own their kid, body and soul, even if he is married.”
How to Spot a Mummy’s Boy :
A handful of guys still struggle with matriarchal preoccupation. Sure, you are educated from birth to love, care for, and most importantly respect your Mummy; nevertheless, when this attachment or link with your Mummy impacts your other relationships, you are unquestionably a Mummy’s Boy.
Being a mama’s boy isn’t the worst thing in the world, but guys who fall into this category may be difficult to cope with and incredibly bothersome in more ways than one. If you feel you’re a Mummy’s boy, consider the following ten indicators:
You inform your Mummy EVERYTHING
It is assumed that you will cease telling your Mummy everything at some point in your life; but, even as an adult, privacy is not a concept that relates to your relationship with your Mummy. What’s the point? Your Mummy is still the most important lady in your life. You keep your Mummy up to speed on every part of your life, from your monthly income and spending to your diet plan and even your sex movements. The surprising element is that it does not feel strange to you.
Worse, you appear unable to make a decision unless she expresses her view or agrees. Before sending an e-mail to a coworker, you contact your Mummy and read it to her to see whether you are being too harsh. When your girlfriend makes a new move during sex, you quickly run to the bathroom and contact your Mummy to inquire if she thinks your girlfriend is cheating. You still complain to your Mummy and always listen to her… because, well, Mummy knows best!
You are still living with your Mummy.
You’re 27 years old and should be living on your own by now, but your Mummy is your best friend, first love (if not your only love), and support system. You can’t picture your life without her. You are unable to function without her.
When you reach the age of 30, you realize that staying at home with your Mummy no longer makes sense (though it still makes sense to you), you move into your own house but contract out the interior decorating to her.
You want her to personalize it so that she feels at ease when she comes to visit. You even have a giant photo frame of her in your living room to demonstrate your undying love. When you ultimately marry, you make your bride realize that your Mummy comes with the deal, and as such, you must move into a three-bedroom… because mom needs her own room.
Every day, you talk to your Mummy.
You don’t make phone calls and find communication difficult, although you call your Mummy every day. It doesn’t even appear to be a chore.
You memorized your Mummy’s phone number and can recite it in your sleep. When anything new happens to you or you have good news, she is the first person you call.
You also contact her when you are stressed to make yourself feel better. In fact, she usually calls again shortly after you hang off the phone. Some days, she calls you three to five times. Clearly, she is an obsessive ex-girlfriend, since when she phones, you just cannot press the ignore button because…well, you adore talking at any time of day.
Your lover is quite similar to your mum.
When it comes to the women you date, you appear to have a type; ironically, this type always bears a similarity to your Mummy.
It might be their physical appearance, such as their skin tone, height, body type, or eyes.
It might be their personality, demeanor, sense of dress, hairdo, or morals and beliefs. The point is that you appear to be drawn to ladies who remind you of your Mummy.
It has nothing to do with having an Oedipus complex, and it also does not appear strange to you (except for that one time you unintentionally called your girlfriend “mom”). Of course, your Mummy is the perfect lady, and it’s difficult to break away from the type of connection you’ve known your entire life.
If your Mummy dislikes someone, they are out.
There’s no reason for it, but you really need your Mummy to like everyone in your life. You can’t take it if your Mummy doesn’t agree with your decisions. And if she goes on to condemn you for it, you cry and isolate yourself from the rest of the world for weeks because you know you have to give up that option.
So, when you finally discover “the one” and realize it’s time to present her to your Mummy, you either directly or indirectly train her to act a specific way during the visit…because you want your Mummy to like her. You won’t have to chop them off if she doesn’t agree.
You struggle with taking care of things and cleaning up after yourself.
Your Mummy handles everything for you, from grocery shopping to laundry, dishwashing, and garbage disposal. She basically nurtures you to keep you close, and you take full advantage of it.
Unfortunately, when you relocate to a new city, you quickly find that you have no idea how to handle such matters. You categorize it as one of the difficulties of being a bachelor. You could ask your girlfriend to do them or pay a cleaning service.
When you visit, your friends have complained about you not making your bed or leaving your dishes on the table after dining.
Again, ordering hot water is preferable to boiling water in the kettle. You wouldn’t describe yourself as lazy or messy, but it looks that you are because mom isn’t there to clean up your messes.
When you go shopping, you’re constantly looking for something for Mom.
You may forget about Valentine’s Day or your wedding anniversary, but your Mummy’s birthday is permanently carved in your mind.
You begin thinking of a gift for her at least 6 months in advance. You even contemplate going over budget to bring her the automobile you promised her when you were a teenager, weeping into her lap about life’s difficulties.
Even if it isn’t her birthday or Mummy’s Day, you find yourself instinctively hunting for items to purchase her when you walk into a store or go online to shop.
When your wife buys a gorgeous or stylish garment or fabric, you visualize it on your Mummy and urge that she gift it to her… or get extra so she may share with your Mummy.
She is the only girl who has witnessed you cry.
You are a macho man in the eyes of the entire world. The alpha man. Nothing bothers you, yet a reprimand from your Mummy sends you into a tailspin… I cried for days.
Most individuals eventually get numb to their Mummy’s guilt, but not you. When she’s there, no matter how badass you are, your sensitive side comes out. You find yourself acting like a child again, moaning about little matters that you would never complain about in front of anybody else, not even your girlfriend or wife.
When things don’t go your way, you tend to snap.
You’d never say it to anybody else, but you know you can be stubborn and obstinate when you’re trying to acquire something you want. And when things don’t go your way, you throw tantrums and hissy fits because you believe the world should work for you, not with you…a belief encouraged by your Mummy attending to your every need.
Mom takes precedence over everything for you.
You are willing to abandon everything to cater to your Mummy’s whims. Your wife is expecting a child, but you will not accompany her to the hospital since your Mummy needs her swollen leg massaged.
You promised to attend your children’s graduation, but you’ll have to wait till the next one since you need to take your Mummy to the dentist.
You can’t ever stand up to her, even if you know she’s wrong. Anyone’s opinion of her is equivalent with the person’s view of you, thus you deal with their BS as needed.
You’re ready to explode anyone’s skull and put them in jail if they even mention her in a derogatory way.
So, now that you’ve noticed the symptoms, tell us… are you a Daddy’s boy? Are you in a relationship or married to someone? Tell us about some of your experiences. Oh, and if I’ve missed any indications, please share them with me.